I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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