i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
