kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
