god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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