I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
