I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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