Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
