I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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