i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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