I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
