im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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