i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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