i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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