Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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