That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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