I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
