I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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