That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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