dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
