Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
