hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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