I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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