either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
