awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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