i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
