me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
