I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also, beer. Big fan.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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