"it" just moved
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well I just put wine in my tea
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
