Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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