He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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