You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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