Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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