My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i will never coherently bang her
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
