What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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