i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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