when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
