Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i dont even know how to be here
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
