Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
