I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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