hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
