so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
