Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
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