Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
