I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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