I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize