I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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