There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We have started to decorate penises.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
