I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
