hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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