Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
