Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
