He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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