It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
