Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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