Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
