You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
