Your dad touched me again.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
