There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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