it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
