i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
