Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
