break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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