I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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