Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
