never play flip cup with pint glasses
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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