Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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