We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
