ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
