if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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