I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
