"it" just moved
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
