when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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