I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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