This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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