i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
