I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
this just has baby written all over it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
