Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
